Spoonful Test Blog

Friday, February 7, 2014

Don't ask me that!

What is it about pregnancy and motherhood that makes strangers feel that they should be privy to every intimate detail of a woman's life?  I feel like I haven't had a moment of privacy since it became apparent to the world that I was pregnant, and I DON'T LIKE IT.

So, for your reading pleasure, here are my top 10 least favorite questions/comments I've gotten from complete strangers!

1.  "Were you trying to get pregnant?"

This is an incredibly personal question, stranger.  You do realize that you're basically asking me about my sex life, right?  Weirdo.  And also, does it make any difference whether we were trying to get pregnant?  Absolutely not.  So why ask?

2.  "You do know how that [pregnancy] happens, don't you?"

No, I don't!  Please enlighten me!  I was pretty sure that an angel kissed my uterus, thus depositing a baby into it.  Is that not how it happens?  Because I DEFINITELY didn't have sex with my husband, if that's what you're implying.

3.  "Oh my gosh, you're huge!  Are you having twins?  Are you sure you're not farther along?  You're never going to make it to your due date!" etc.  Or the flip side: "You're so TINY!  Are you sure you're pregnant?"

Is your goal in life to make hormonal pregnant women cry?  Because you have SUCCEEDED.

4.  "Your baby is HUGE!  Did you have gestational diabetes?"

First of all, my baby isn't huge.  He's tiny.  If he were truly "huge," he wouldn't have fit inside of me.  Secondly, not that it's any of your business, but no.  I did not have gestational diabetes.  I just cooked a really big baby.  Stop it.

5.  "Were you able to give birth vaginally?"
My lady bits are none of your business, stranger at Walmart.  Just stop.

6.  "Is he a good baby?"

What exactly constitutes a "good" baby?  I mean, he hasn't murdered anyone or robbed a bank or anything.  And if he had committed a felony, I wouldn't be telling you, stranger.  I ain't no nark!

7.  "Is he on a schedule yet?"

No, my three-day-old isn't on a schedule yet.  I'm pretty sure that's normal.  Calm yourself.

8.  "That baby shouldn't be outside!  It's too hot/cold/rainy/sunny!"

Are you proposing that I never go anywhere ever again because weather is bad for my baby?  Because that's ridiculous.

And along with that one:

"Where is that baby's coat?  He's freezing!"

I promise my baby isn't freezing.  Do I look like someone who would freeze a baby?  No.  I can guarantee that he's wearing enough clothing.  And I can't put him in a big coat because it's not safe in the car seat.  I just can't win!

9.  "What do you do all day to keep busy?  Don't you get bored just staying home?  You should get out of the house more!"

So...I'm not supposed to take my baby outside when it's cold/hot/raining/sunny, but I'm also not supposed to stay at home?  I'm confused.

10.  "Are you nursing?  How is it going?"

Do you want a detailed description of the struggles we had with breastfeeding?  When you find out that we use formula, are you planning to lecture me?  If I tell you that I have insufficient glandular tissue are you going to tell me about all the supplements I can take to achieve a full milk supply?  I hate that I feel the need to explain to strangers why we formula feed, and that I'm terrified of strangers lecturing me when I'm buying food for my son.  Unless you're a close friend, family member, or a medical professional, I don't care to discuss my feeding choices with you.  Leave me alone.

Here's the moral of this post: if you go up to a complete stranger and ask them super personal questions, they'll write a sarcastic blog post about it.  So just don't do it, ok?
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  1. Agreed!
    How hard is it to stick to non-awkward questions:
    What's the little guy/girl's name?
    How old is s/he?
    And simple comments will do:
    S/he sure is happy/well behaved/cute/adorable when sleeping.

    1. Agreed! All of those are great choices...and much less awkward than the questions I generally get asked! Do you get comments about your large family? I always love seeing families with lots of children, but it seems like they get the most strange comments!

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  3. OMGoodness! This made me laugh, though I do realize how sad it is! You know my motto, Girl! MIND YOUR BUSINESS!!!

    1. Girl, for real! People need to mind their business and keep out of other peoples'! It's really not that hard...I do it everyday! :P


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