Spoonful Test Blog

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Don't ask me that! Again.

One time I wrote a post about things you shouldn't ask strangers, and I ended up hearing from other people about the things they didn't like being asked.  And of course that made me remember a million (or maybe six) other awkward questions that I have been asked by strangers.  So here's my updated list (including the ones from the first post, because I like when my lists are all together and not separated into separate posts.  DEAL WITH IT.)!

1.  "Were you trying to get pregnant?"

This is an incredibly personal question, stranger.  You do realize that you're basically asking me about my sex life, right?  Weirdo.  And also, does it make any difference whether we were trying to get pregnant?  Absolutely not.  So why ask?

2.  "You do know how that [pregnancy] happens, don't you?"

No, I don't!  Please enlighten me!  I was pretty sure that an angel kissed my uterus, thus depositing a baby into it.  Is that not how it happens?  Because I DEFINITELY didn't have sex with my husband, if that's what you're implying.

3.  "Oh my gosh, you're huge!  Are you having twins?  Are you sure you're not farther along?  You're never going to make it to your due date!" etc.  Or the flip side: "You're so TINY!  Are you sure you're pregnant?"

Is your goal in life to make hormonal pregnant women cry?  Because you have SUCCEEDED.


4.  "Your baby is HUGE!  Did you have gestational diabetes?"

First of all, my baby isn't huge.  He's tiny.  If he were truly "huge," he wouldn't have fit inside of me.  Secondly, not that it's any of your business, but no.  I did not have gestational diabetes.  I just cooked a really big baby.  Stop it.

5.  "Were you able to give birth vaginally?"
My lady bits are none of your business, stranger at Walmart.  Just stop.

6.  "Is he a good baby?"

What exactly constitutes a "good" baby?  I mean, he hasn't murdered anyone or robbed a bank or anything.  And if he had committed a felony, I wouldn't be telling you, stranger.  I ain't no nark!

7.  "Is he on a schedule yet?"

No, my three-day-old isn't on a schedule yet.  I'm pretty sure that's normal.  Calm yourself.

8.  "That baby shouldn't be outside!  It's too hot/cold/rainy/sunny!"

Are you proposing that I never go anywhere ever again because weather is bad for my baby?  Because that's ridiculous.

And along with that one:

"Where is that baby's coat?  He's freezing!"

I promise my baby isn't freezing.  Do I look like someone who would freeze a baby?  No.  I can guarantee that he's wearing enough clothing.  And I can't put him in a big coat because it's not safe in the car seat.  I just can't win!

9.  "What do you do all day to keep busy?  Don't you get bored just staying home?  You should get out of the house more!"

So...I'm not supposed to take my baby outside when it's cold/hot/raining/sunny, but I'm also not supposed to stay at home?  I'm confused.

10.  "Are you nursing?  How is it going?"

Do you want a detailed description of the struggles we had with breastfeeding?  When you find out that we use formula, are you planning to lecture me?  If I tell you that I have insufficient glandular tissue are you going to tell me about all the supplements I can take to achieve a full milk supply?  I hate that I feel the need to explain to strangers why we formula feed, and that I'm terrified of strangers lecturing me when I'm buying food for my son.  Unless you're a close friend, family member, or a medical professional, I don't care to discuss my feeding choices with you.  Leave me alone.

11.  "Is he sleeping through the night?"

NO.  And please don't tell me all about how your life got flipped turned upside-down your babies slept through the night from day one because you fed them whiskey and lard with their last bottle of the day.  I don't want to hear it.  And also, there's no way I'm feeding my baby lard.

Also also, I'm sorry for that Fresh Prince moment I had right there.  Just kidding, I'm not sorry at all.

12.  "When are you going to give him a sibling?"

Are you really asking me this?  Because once I get pregnant I know you're just going to come back and ask, "You do know how that happens, don't you?"  So just leave me and my uterus and my family alone.  I have one very cute baby.  Isn't that enough for you, stranger to whom the size of my family shouldn't even matter?

13.  "WHY AREN'T YOU FINDING OUT THE SEX OF YOUR BABY???!??  YOU HAVE TO FIND OUT!  I'M GOING TO DIE OF SUSPENSE!!!!!"


Really?  Not knowing the sex of a complete stranger's baby is going to KILL you?  If that's truly the case, you need to get a hobby.

14.  "You shouldn't be out!  Don't you know if you fall on the ice your baby could DIE?" <Said to me while I was very pregnant and the weather was bad.

THANK YOU for warning me about the dangers of ice.  I did, in fact, know that falling could harm my baby.  Unfortunately, it's not possible for me to stay inside my house wrapped in bubble wrap for the remainder of my pregnancy.  Sorry.

15.  "You're a very young family!  How old are you, anyway?"

Why?  Whyyyy why why?  First of all, we're not that young.  25 is a very reasonable age to have children, right?  We just look like teenagers (which will apparently be wonderful when we're older, but it's just a pain in the butt now).  And why on earth do you need to know how old we are?  Is it so you can tell us that we're too young to have a baby?

16.  "You're too young to have a baby!"

And you're too old to be wearing that hot pink miniskirt, but you don't see me telling you how to live your life.


The moral.  Don't be crazy and ask me intrusive questions if you have never met me, and I won't write blog posts about it.

THE END.

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3 comments :

  1. While you have a solid point on some of these, I can see how some of the others could just be people trying to make conversation--not trying to be intrusive, necessarily, but possibly trying to be sociable/curious. I've asked if the mother knows the sex of her baby yet, if the little one is allowing her to get any sleep yet, or how old the baby is/what the name is. It's just fairly innocuous questioning to pass the time in the checkout lane, much like when they ask about how long I've been married when they see my wedding ring. The "good baby"comment is a little awkward, but I recognize that it's probably meant to ask how you are adjusting to the baby's needs, and how baby is adjusting to you. Granted, most of these questions rather cross the line, and asking a woman who's hormonal/sleep-deprived/adjusting to "mommy life" may result in unintentionally hurt feelings. I get that. Still, it's part of the culture here to make conversation with strangers, and some of the gentler questions on here shouldn't be 100% demonized. Take a deep breath and remember that it's not such a bad thing to live in a society where people are naturally curious about other people's families.

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    Replies
    1. I'm definitely being more dramatic here than I am in real life. But most these questions seem inappropriate when asked by a complete stranger to me; that doesn't mean it should offend everyone! And some are more annoying than offensive, of course. But when I am told that I'm "too young" to have children or asked very personal questions about the way I feed my child or the way my child was conceived by someone I have never met, I'm going to feel like my privacy is being invaded.

      I feel that there are far more appropriate questions to ask complete strangers if you want to make conversation. I don't care if someone asks me whether I know the sex of my baby (definitely an appropriate question!), but I do find it strange that my not finding out affects them so much.

      All of the questions you said that you ask other mothers seem completely fine to me! I don't mind talking about Gibson at all (obviously!), but when strangers pry into my life or try to give me advice when I didn't ask for it, I don't like it. I don't mind if people I know do that, but if I have never met someone they don't need to know whether I was trying for a baby or tell me how I'm obviously not dressing my child correctly for the weather.

      Again, I'm not in any way saying that these questions are all bad (although some of them are!); it's just that the way they were said to/asked of me was off-putting or annoying.

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  2. Oh I can't stop laughing! I loved reading these. It's always good to see that other people go through the same things I do! I found this really awesome blog that talks all about babies. Like how to get pregnant and nursing, it's a great find! I always bookmark it, you should check it out! http://www.happymamatales.com

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