Spoonful Test Blog

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Grandma gets the jerky

I was an incredibly strange child.

...and I looked like a boy.  But that's old news.

I had a very active (possibly overactive) imagination.  And sometimes I would make up imaginary scenarios in my brain and talk to the people in the scenarios.  Not out loud, of course.  That would have worried my parents, I'm sure!

For example:

Every time we had breakfast for dinner, I imagined that my scrambled eggs were beef jerky.  And the jerky had to be divided among a family, and the most deserving members of the family got the most jerky.

Of course.  That makes sense, right?

The grandma always got the biggest chunks of eggs, because she had the flu and needed to keep her strength up by eating more jerky.  And the children got the least, because they were very healthy.

I would eat the eggs in tiny little bits because that way the jerky could last longer for the family.

I think I was pretending to be in a pioneer family like Laura Ingalls Wilder.  I always wished that I lived in Little House in the Big Woods, even though I hate the outdoors and love electricity.  I really wished that my parents would move to the woods and build a log cabin.  And my mom could curl my hair with rags and make butter pats that looked like strawberries.  Pa would play the fiddle, of course.  And in the winter we would make candy out of snow and maple sugar!

What a life that would have been.

I also wanted to be one of the Boxcar Children and live in the middle of the woods and sleep on a bed made of pine needles.

I don't really know what I was thinking.  Because obviously living in a house with a bed and electricity was better than sleeping on the floor of an old boxcar.  But for some reason, the thought of having to survive on my own in the wilderness was really enticing to me.

...which is strange, because I would have been eaten by a bear in five minutes if I had actually tried to survive in the wilderness.  An outdoorsman I am not.

Growing up, we had a playhouse in the backyard that was AWESOME.  And sometimes my sister and I would go out there when it was raining in the hope that we might get stuck there and have to survive for a day or two.

There was one time in particular that I remember tying grass into knots and putting it in a toy saucepan.  I left the pan in the rain to gather water, because I was going to boil the water and eat the grass pasta in case we couldn't get inside because of the monsoon.

As it turns out, grass doesn't taste good.  And also, a toy plastic kitchen does not have boiling capabilities.  Oops.

The moral of the story is: Gibson has no chance for normalcy.  Or surviving in the wilderness.  Poor kid.

And look at these jazz hands!  He's well on his way to being like his mama.

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  1. Oh my gosh, I was exactly the same way as a child. I was OBSESSED with survival stories and secretly wanted to run away to the woods like the kid in "My Side of the Mountain." Don't worry, I think that just means we'll pass on our awesome imaginations to our offspring :) And maybe they'll become survival experts like Bear Grylls so we can live vicariously through them!

    1. Haha if Gibson turns out anything like Bear Grylls, I'll be very surprised! But I do hope he has an awesome imagination...mine was VERY vivid. Island of the Blue Dolphins was one of my absolute favorite books...can you imagine, building a house out of whale ribs on a deserted island??? ACK! I want to go do it now, please.

  2. I am so sorry, your post about 4th grade made me laugh out loud! And I can completely relate to everything in this post as well. I spent my whole childhood wishing I had been born Amish, and I remember being jealous of that sweet boxcar too. When the Y2K scare rolled around, I was super excited, only to have all my dreams dashed when nothing happened at 12:01 on 01/01/2000. Seriously, what a letdown. My sister and I were going to be pioneers!

    1. You're so mean! :P The 4th grade story makes me laugh, too...even though it was literally the worst when it was happening! I was excited about Y2K, too! We're weird. :D

  3. Hehehe!! Reminds me of when I would sit on a bean bag and pretend I was on a life boat while listening to the Titanic soundtrack...what weird children we were. Yay us.

    1. Remember when we would sit on mommy and daddy's bed and pretend we were in the middle of the ocean? How did we turn out even remotely normal?

  4. My older sister and I used to have very elaborate plot lines with our Barbies. We'd spend hours in the basement constructing these crazy adventures with them. It was awesome! Oh, and I wanted to live in a boxcar too ... Great post!

    1. My Barbies had amazingly detailed lives, too! And this is why Gibson won't have easy access to video games. I loved playing pretend!

  5. Me too me too! I was the same way!

    1. Haha you guys are making me feel so much better about not being the only weird one in this world!


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