Spoonful Test Blog

Friday, May 9, 2014

Puppies vs. Babies

Once upon a time, I got a puppy.  She was adorable.  We named her Ellie.

Raising a puppy was such good practice for having a baby someday!  And it was SO EASY.  So obviously raising a baby would be easy.  Slightly harder than Ellie, of course, but by the time I had a baby I would be an expert!

Fast forward three years, and I now have a human puppy baby.

This will be easy!  Isn't that right, smug childless Erin?

NO.  I WAS WRONG.  I admit it.  Although babies and puppies are similar in some ways (they both have very sharp talons that you have to wrestle them in order to cut), there are definitely some key differences.  I shall now provide you with a list of them:

1.  Puppies learn to walk when they're a few hours old.  Unlike babies, who don't learn to walk until your arms are almost falling off from trying to tote their chunky butts around.

2.  You get a puppy when it is 7-8 weeks old.  You get a baby when you BIRTH IT.  There isn't another mommy to take care of the baby when it's going through its colicky, super limp, tiny shriveled newborn phase.

3.  Puppies are potty trained (ideally) by the time they're three or four months old.  Babies are NEVER potty trained and poop in diapers FOREVER.

...or so I've been told.

4.  Puppies sleep through the night.  Or, at the very least, it's easier to ignore their noises when they wake up than it is a baby screaming.

5.  You can leave a puppy at home when you go to a restaurant.  But you have to take a baby with you, and then the baby screams and people glare at you.

6.  All a puppy really needs are food, water, a leash, a collar, and maybe some toys.  Babies need food, toys, a crib, a changing table, a bouncer, a Rock n Play, a Pack n Play, a Boppy, swaddle blankets, normal blankets, clothes, diapers, bibs, a jumper, spoons, a high chair, a stroller, car seats, a carrier.  All the things.

7.  A puppy becomes a dog in around a year.  Babies become toddlers, then children, then pre-teens, then teenagers, and THEN, 20 years after they're born, they finally become a full-grown adult.  And along the way they demand tablets and iPhones and cars and shoes and college educations, costing significantly more money than a dog.

8.  You can teach a puppy not to bark all the time, but people tend to frown on using a shock collar to keep your baby from crying.

...and now I'm wondering why we didn't just adopt a few more dogs instead of having a baby.

JUST KIDDING!  Gibson is obviously better than Ellie.  He doesn't eat my tortilla balls or drag poopy diapers around the house.  And he will learn to talk at some point instead of just barking at me.  And I can dress him in cute outfits!

...although I guess the same could be said for Ellie.  Except Danny won't let me buy her clothing.  He's the worst.
Ellie is outraged by my blog post, because she fancies herself a human.  Maybe if you vote for my blog today, she'll feel a little better about it!  Just click the banner below!

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  1. Hahaha! This cracks me up! :) As a furmommy who is not yet a peoplemommy, I have had each and every one of those thoughts cross my mind in the last 3 1/2 years!

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