Spoonful Test Blog

Friday, August 22, 2014

Why I won't drive a go-cart with you

I'm not a fun person to go to an amusement park with.

I get sick on roller coasters, which is sad, because I love them.  And I get cranky when I'm hot and sweaty.  And my hips hurt when I walk for a long time.  And the water from the water rides gives me a rash.

And I will absolutely refuse to go on any ride that requires me to drive my own vehicle.  Bumper cars, bumper boats, and go-carts are absolutely NOT AN OPTION for me.

If I could pass legislation to ban rides like that from every amusement park in the world, I would.  They're a TERRIBLE IDEA.  And if I don't like them, NOBODY SHOULD LIKE THEM!!

You may or may not be wondering why I feel the way I do about go-carts and bumper cars.  And whether you care or not, I'm going to tell you.

When I was younger, my family went on a trip to visit my grandparents.  My terrible parents decided to take us to a place that had putt-putt golf and go-carts.

BECAUSE THEY'RE TERRIBLE.

**...obviously I'm kidding, guys!  My parents are wonderful people!  LOVE YOU MOMMY!**

So we played putt-putt, which I assume was fun.  I honestly don't remember.  Because what happened after putt-putt scarred me for LIFE.

Someone suggested that we ride go-carts.  Even though neither my sister nor I were old enough to drive!  WHO LETS CHILDREN DRIVE FAST CARS WITHOUT A LICENSE????

I got into my go-cart of death, and the surly teenager working the go-carts told us to start driving.  I tried, but my car wouldn't go.  He told me (very loudly) to go NOW.  My car randomly decided to leap forward, and suddenly I was driving WAY TOO QUICKLY around a track with a million other children driving cars WAY TOO QUICKLY.

Maybe I had fun while I was driving.  I don't really remember.

What I do remember is the end of the go-cart ride.  The surly teenager gave us the signal that the go-carting experience was over (thank goodness), and we were supposed to park our go-carts in a line.

My car came sputtering to a stop around 50 feet from where I was supposed to park, despite slamming on the gas pedal over and over.  The surly teenager yelled at me for stopping, and indignant tears filled my eyes.


I couldn't help that my car stopped!  It was obviously possessed!  I'M A GREAT DRIVER!!

And that's when the demon go-cart decided to leap forward uncontrollably, and I slammed into the back of the line of parked go-carts, causing everyone to stare at me with hatred in their eyes.

At which point the surly teenager yelled at me AGAIN.  For the THIRD TIME.

And THAT'S why I will never, ever drive a go-cart again.  EVER.  NEVER EVER AGAIN.

...the surly teenager probably didn't actually yell at me.  He was just irritated, which made me feel bad because my car wasn't working.  I just couldn't live with the fact that he thought I was the problem when it was really my car!

Of course I didn't tell him that.  I was too scared.

THE END.
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If you would like to join me in passing legislation to ban go-carts, please give the pink banner below a click!

...and if you love go-carts, you should be ASHAMED of yourself.  And you should still click the pink banner, because I said so.

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