I get sick on roller coasters, which is sad, because I love them. And I get cranky when I'm hot and sweaty. And my hips hurt when I walk for a long time. And the water from the water rides gives me a rash.
And I will absolutely refuse to go on any ride that requires me to drive my own vehicle. Bumper cars, bumper boats, and go-carts are absolutely NOT AN OPTION for me.
If I could pass legislation to ban rides like that from every amusement park in the world, I would. They're a TERRIBLE IDEA. And if I don't like them, NOBODY SHOULD LIKE THEM!!
You may or may not be wondering why I feel the way I do about go-carts and bumper cars. And whether you care or not, I'm going to tell you.
When I was younger, my family went on a trip to visit my grandparents. My terrible parents decided to take us to a place that had putt-putt golf and go-carts.
BECAUSE THEY'RE TERRIBLE.
**...obviously I'm kidding, guys! My parents are wonderful people! LOVE YOU MOMMY!**
So we played putt-putt, which I assume was fun. I honestly don't remember. Because what happened after putt-putt scarred me for LIFE.
Someone suggested that we ride go-carts. Even though neither my sister nor I were old enough to drive! WHO LETS CHILDREN DRIVE FAST CARS WITHOUT A LICENSE????
I got into my go-cart of death, and the surly teenager working the go-carts told us to start driving. I tried, but my car wouldn't go. He told me (very loudly) to go NOW. My car randomly decided to leap forward, and suddenly I was driving WAY TOO QUICKLY around a track with a million other children driving cars WAY TOO QUICKLY.
Maybe I had fun while I was driving. I don't really remember.
What I do remember is the end of the go-cart ride. The surly teenager gave us the signal that the go-carting experience was over (thank goodness), and we were supposed to park our go-carts in a line.
My car came sputtering to a stop around 50 feet from where I was supposed to park, despite slamming on the gas pedal over and over. The surly teenager yelled at me for stopping, and indignant tears filled my eyes.
I couldn't help that my car stopped! It was obviously possessed! I'M A GREAT DRIVER!!
And that's when the demon go-cart decided to leap forward uncontrollably, and I slammed into the back of the line of parked go-carts, causing everyone to stare at me with hatred in their eyes.
At which point the surly teenager yelled at me AGAIN. For the THIRD TIME.
And THAT'S why I will never, ever drive a go-cart again. EVER. NEVER EVER AGAIN.
...the surly teenager probably didn't actually yell at me. He was just irritated, which made me feel bad because my car wasn't working. I just couldn't live with the fact that he thought I was the problem when it was really my car!
Of course I didn't tell him that. I was too scared.
THE END.
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If you would like to join me in passing legislation to ban go-carts, please give the pink banner below a click! ...and if you love go-carts, you should be ASHAMED of yourself. And you should still click the pink banner, because I said so.

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