Spoonful Test Blog

Saturday, August 16, 2014

Yoga Pants Zombies

One of my favorite/least favorite things about pregnancy is the dreams.  They're great because I like having fun, detailed dreams to tell my friends at parties (because I go to SO many parties).  But they're awful because they keep me awake at night, and sometimes they're TERRIFYING.

...except they're not actually terrifying.  But when I'm asleep they really seem to be.

So now, for your reading pleasure, here are some of the dreams I have had in the past 8 weeks!

1.  I was in a store.  One of my friends works in the store, and she was busy behind the cash register.  All of the sudden, some zombies came in the store looking for yoga pants.  Because they were yoga pants zombies, of course.  They ate the only customer in the store who was wearing yoga pants and left.

I was very interested in the yoga pants, because if zombies want them, they're obviously great!  My friend showed them to me, and they were only $7 for two pairs!  Nice!  But then the zombies came back, so I threw the yoga pants away and hid in the display of jeans.

Because everyone knows that the one thing yoga pants zombies hate is jeans.


2.  I was at my parents' house.  And, of course, I was flying.  There was a battle going on between some Harry Potter characters and Dr. Seuss characters.  I'm not sure which team I was on...I was just trying to fly away.  Except the ceiling fan got in my way and I fell down.

So I went downstairs, where there were Sneeches flying around with the Weasley family.  But the ceiling is much lower in the basement, so they were kind of just hovering over the ground.

3.  The new baby was here, and I was pumping massive amounts of breastmilk into a glass.  As I filled glasses, Danny helped the baby drink from them like an adult.  The baby drank A LOT.

**I had a very similar dream when I was pregnant with Gibson, except that the baby in my dream (a girl) was drinking from a straw.**

4.  My family found a house that we were interested in buying.  It is VERY cheap, has a lot of land, and is huge.  We walked in to look at the house, and find out that it is currently a fraternity house for a college.  There are college kids everywhere!  We are also told that the ghost of an old woman resides in the house with the college kids.

Despite the ghostly rumors, we love the house.  The kitchen is huge, and there's a room with a stage built in--perfect for Gibson's performances!  There is a balcony overlooking the living room, complete with a harp to play while you sit there.  It was perfect!

We decided to leave and come back the next day.  We took photos of the house while we were there, and in every photo there is a small dot of light.  The current owners of the house were convinced that it meant there are several ghosts in the house, but I knew that someone just had a laser and was messing with us.

I woke up from this dream VERY SCARED.  And then I peed and wasn't scared any more.

5.  In my dream, I was a music appreciation teacher (just like Danny!).  My lesson plan for that day involved adjectives, for some reason.  So I asked the students (most of whom were VERY ROWDY) to tell me what an adjective is.

One girl raised her hand and said, "Adjectives are nouns!"  I told her that nooooo, they aren't nouns.  They're adjectives.  I asked for an example of an adjective.  She said, "Dog is an adjective!"

The know-it-all girl and I argued about whether "dog" is an adjective.  I said, "An adjective describes something.  Try to use 'dog' to describe something, please."  She said, "That dog is so dog!"


When I woke up I decided to never ever be a teacher.  I don't have the patience for it, I'm pretty sure.

6.  I was at the hospital in labor.  Except I wasn't really in labor, so I was given pitocin (now THAT'S a nightmare).  My contractions weren't really very strong, so I decided to go on a walk to Illinois and get them going.

I ended up in Aldi for some reason, and talked to some friends from college.  And then Aldi turned into Lowe's.  I walked all around Lowe's to try and help my labor pick up.

I went back to the hospital, and the nurse/doctor guy who was assigned to me said that he was going to get me some KFC.  I asked for a big bucket of fried pickles and a tub of spicy ranch dressing to dip them in.  Danny had suddenly appeared (why wasn't he with me from the beginning???), and he also wanted fried pickles.

So I got fried pickles, and my contractions still weren't picking up.  It was frustrating.  So we decided to go to a festival of funerals, where I was allowed to sit in a recliner because I was kind of in labor.  At the festival there were many dancers, and a young man playing the bass.

THE END.

I woke up this morning feeling pretty certain that I was supposed to be in labor.  And then I was kind of sad when I remembered that I have 6.5 months to go until that happens.  Darn it.

Also, what in the world is a festival of funerals?  I don't even know.
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